NOT ME. Photo courtesy: Emily Goodhart @shotbythegypsy
I spend an extraordinary amount of time every month on Airbnb shortlisting cities to visit once this Pandemic is in the dustbin. Because I am practical and don’t want to get too carried away, I only look at neighboring cities, those that we can visit over a weekend. One link leads to another to another all in the name of research. I sigh over pictures of cute shops selling overpriced soaps, dreamy scarves, and silver photo frames that I will look at but never buy; colorful, local bookshops advertising local author events where I will definitely spend money along with restaurants with five-star reviews but not five-star prices; and cafes with long benches and chalkboards where my husband and I will go for coffee and breakfast and make small talk with the barista, who will recommend the hole-in-the-wall sandwich shop we must visit before leaving town.
But the aspect I do not sigh over are all the homes in the coastal Carolinas that have decided that if they are being rented to outsiders visiting for the beach experience, they MUST be reminded of the beach every second they are indoors. Note the following:
1. The frame of every mirror must be in the shape of a ship’s wheel/helm
2. One or two or twenty decorative wooden boats must stare at the guest from every angle of the bedroom, and at least three must have nets stretched over them and or plugged with shells
3. The bedspread, two sleeping pillows, and the eleven decorative pillows ranging in size from a matchbox to a Boeing must bear a design of anchors/whales/starfish/seahorse/turtles/ waves/fish/conch shells/sand dollars/boats
4. The bathroom soap must be in a dish shaped like a lighthouse or a shell or of course, a boat. For shower curtains and the designs on them, refer to point 3.
5. The dining area and the living room must be done up in white, blue, grey, and a pop of coral (HOW DARE YOU FORGET THERE IS CORAL IN THE OCEAN? So what if it’s endangered, and this house has zero recycling bins or energy efficient lights. Look at the goddamn coral we are providing you on the dining mats!)
6. Pictures of flip-flops and more boats (DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE BOATS?), and signs proclaiming one or more of the following: “beach day,” “big wave of happiness,” “be my anchor,” “gone to the beach,” “salt life,” “palm trees and sea breeze,” “you had me at aloha,” the last one particularly debilitating considering the different coast (but then geographical knowledge is another subject altogether).
But then on the plus side, I may have found the thing that will rid me of my browsing habit and keep me focused on other, more useful pursuits such as being regular on this blog.